God Online by Thomas Parr

Imagine, in the near future, when all the churches have gone digital and God can only be contacted online.
A FREEPHONE LINE TO GOD
You dial the Holy Trinity on 333
A computerised voice answers.
“You are through to Our Father’s house. Thank you for praying.
If your prayer is a general one on routine matters, please press one.
If your prayer is one of praise, please press two.
If you are praying on behalf of a specific person, please press three.
If it is a specific request for yourself please press four.
If you wish to enquire about a prayer not yet answered, press five.
Any other prayer, please six.
Thank you for pressing six.
If you wish to pray directly to the Almighty, please hold until a line is available. In the meantime you will be able to hear a rendition of The Halleluiah Chorus
If you would like to pray to a specific angel, press one
Thank you.
You are through to the angelic switchboard. To have your prayer heard by the angel Gabriel, press two
For the angel Raphael, press three
To pray to the angel Michael, press four. Please make sure that it is the angel Michael you wish to speak to, and not Marks and Spencer. This avoids wasting time asking the angel about the quality of his underwear.
For any other angel, please press five.
Thank you for pressing number five.
You are in contact with our general operations room. All our angels are busy at the moment. You are in a queue. Please hold until a line is available. In the meantime, enjoy a selection of psalms sung by our Heavenly Choir of Cherubim and Senior Seraphim.
We apologise for the delay. You will be connected as soon as possible.
We apologise for the delay. You will be connected as soon as possible.
If you do not wish to hold on any longer, and would like to complain to the Nether Regions, please press 666.
Thank you for calling. Amen.

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About highamwriters

A group of recreational creative writers and if you ask us nicely we will let you publish some of our work
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