The Obituary of Pablo Photographia by Neal Duncan

It is with sadness that we must report the passing of Pablo Photographia. He died last night, at the age of fifty-three, from an over exposure of development fluid. With his dogged dedication to his art and to stick to the ‘old ways’, his friends consider that there could be no better way for him to pass.
In his early life, Pablo worked with his father on the plains of Spain catching rabbits to supply the tourist paella industry. Because of Spain’s hot and dry summer months, Pablo liked to work mostly in his underwear. A practice that stayed with him, despite his career change.
At the age of twenty-two, the buff bodied Pablo turned his years of patient hunting and lightning fast reactions from rabbits to another prey: D-list celebrities. ‘The Ds’ he would say, when asked why he specialised. ‘They are the most difficult to hunt. Where the As go, so does every other person in this business. Most of the rest are following the Bs and the C’s wonder around trying their best to be photographed. Stalking the D’s takes patience and cunning. Infinitely more rewarding!’ The challenge of snapping his prey was made all the harder by Pablo’s refusal to wear clothes on the job.
He single-handedly developed the ‘Hurrah!’ style of paparazzi. Hiding in an alcove, or behind a post-box, he would spy a D-lister walking down the road and then wait for them to approach. When they came within six feet, Pablo would star jump from his hiding place, scream: ‘Hurrah!’ and shoot his camera. The sight of a semi-naked Spaniard suddenly appearing before them made for some very interesting, if controversial, photographs. The most famous of these was the ‘Ooo, yes please!’ photograph of newsreader Melissa Jorkins, a photo that lead to her eventual divorce and move from the BBC to BabeStation.
By the age of forty-three, Pablo himself had become something of a D-List celebrity and many would joke that he would soon be taking his own photographs. And, on January 15th 2001, he appeared in the Higham Times in a variety of poses, all across the village.
His foray into celebrity was, unfortunately, the turning point of Pablo’s career. When he walked down the road, many of his disciples would perform their own ‘Hurrah’ photographs. At first, he was kind to these would-be Pablos, but four years later, Pablo did something unspeakable. Realising that his semi-nudity was what marked him out and made him an easy target for others, Pablo put on clothes.
He spent the rest of his life in obscurity, wearing normal clothes, and selling wildlife photographs. His last spread, perhaps fittingly, was of a family of rabbits, all wearing underwear.
He is survived by only by his legion of fans and disciples, like me, who spend many pleasurable hours recreating his famous photos. Please join us at the wake; if you don’t have your own y-fronts, you’re more than welcome to borrow a pair!

About highamwriters

A group of recreational creative writers and if you ask us nicely we will let you publish some of our work
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