How to create a happy potting shed by Pete Pottingshed

You’ve retired, the kids have left your home and life’s your own once again. Except, of course, t’isn’t, tissit? Meet the new boss, same as the old boss, only this time, you don’t get paid.

Me and Mrs Pottingshed are often asked at our local RA: ‘What’s the secret to your happy marriage?’ Well, I always laugh and tells them ‘It’s all in the name.’ They looks at me and says ‘Peter?’ and I says ‘No! Potting shed’.

In all seriousness though, a potting shed can work wonders for your marriage, as my cousin, Arthur the philanderer used to say. From the smallest 4’ x 2’er to the biggun’s you could park a truck in, a man’s potting shed is his castle, because let’s face it, the ‘ouse is hers.

Here’s my tips on making your potting shed work for you. First off, and this is important: Love thy garden. She isn’ gonna let you stay out there hours on end unless you’re doing summat, so you might as well do it. Get yourself some tools and seeds and just watch as a little garden springs up ‘round you.

Next off: your shed needs to be habitable. I don’t mean get a bed in it, though sometimes you might prefer to sleep there’an upstairs! I mean get it water tight and preferably with heating and the leccy. Make sure you get a professional to wire it up mind, or you’ll end up jolting yoursen into the great garden in the sky.

Once you’re wired for sound, get a chair. A chair. T’ain’t company time your after, it’s you time and a second chair only invites company. You can have all the company you want by goin’ in. It’s got to be comfortable, mind, so you can sit in it for the length of a test match, so test it before you buy.

Now, I know some of you aren’t into all the computers and what-nots but let me tell you, you can take your TV around as easy as your radio these days. With a little help from your favourite grandson or least hated nephew you can watch Sky Sports or the Beeb in your shed – while you plant tomatoes or dahlias or whatever she’s decided she wants now.

After you’ve gone and got all your essentials, add some home touches. A kettle, your favourite mug that you don’t mind getting chipped, a “Keep Out” sign you painted to scare away the neighbour’s kid. Then you’re done and it’s time to start figurin’ out what you’re going to do with your garden.

Here’s one general tip that I find comes in handy when I’m deciding what I should get, whether it be a new shed, or a new pair o’ headphones so I can’t hear the nagging and complaining from the kitchen window. Always buy the best your money can buy – or you’ll spend the rest of your life wishin’ you had – and never spend more than you can afford – or you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it. I could’ve got one of those truck sized sheds for my place but I’d have needed to re-mortgage so I stuck with a more modest one and I love it.

And, how does this magical place work I hear you ask? Time apart, that’s the secret. Stuck in doors together all the time, one of you will be driven off the rails but you’ll be surprised how easy she is to handle when you’ve had a few good hours in the shed with a programme, a book, or a hoe.

About highamwriters

A group of recreational creative writers and if you ask us nicely we will let you publish some of our work
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